Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
