we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
