i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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