I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
