I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
