After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
