I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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