Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
