Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
