You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
