Whod you bang
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
