And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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