Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
