on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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