i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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