i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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