god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
