You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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