After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
