My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
