man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
