I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
