You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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