ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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