I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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