My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
