i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
