i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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