Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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