Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
