how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
