My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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