NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
