Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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