One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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