if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's always time for handjobs
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
