i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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