Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
