i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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