I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So many bounce houses so little time
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
