Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
