Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
