Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
