i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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