at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
