Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
