he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
