I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
