Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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