Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
