She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
