I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's shark week go big or go home
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
