Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
