Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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